tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69389089221389207692024-03-12T21:40:54.619-04:0013 Years of ClutterAlexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.comBlogger127125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-64280155078045193912010-09-24T05:21:00.000-04:002010-09-24T05:21:52.755-04:00Mise à jourThank you to everyone who posted supportive comments on my previous post. Just a quick update here - everything is going pretty well. I called a professional organizer, who is supposed to come help my mother over the weekend I believe. As for me, I actually arrived in <b>France</b> yesterday for my seven-month stint as a teaching assistant, so I won't be there to help, but I'm excited to hear about the progress they will surely be making.<br />
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I'm hoping to start blogging at <a href="http://luciolita.blogspot.com/">luciolita.blogspot.com</a> about my time in France soon, if you'd like to follow that!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">* Mise à jour = update :)</span>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-29648436774727996752010-07-13T23:03:00.004-04:002010-07-14T00:42:26.928-04:00EntitlementI obviously took the wrong tack today by attempting to clear up some of the clutter on my own. My mother exploded, citing her rising blood pressure as the reason she wanted me to "just stop right now." She berated me for touching the few things I was trying to sort, sneering, "You're only going to be here for two months, so just shut up and stop." It is clear to me that, while I am left ignorant of her reason for wanting to live like this, she doesn't understand why I feel I am entitled to clean for her.<br />
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Why?<br />
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Because this is still my childhood home. I grew up in this wholly unsatisfying apartment, because you did not make the choices in life that would lead you to having a real house like most of the kids I grew up around. I spent many formative years here, so I feel entitled to treat it like a normal person treats a home, which you may not understand. I am leaving to spend time abroad in two months, yes, and despite my sense of entitlement toward this place, I would really like to say goodbye to this apartment forever. I should clear out all my belongings and leave an empty bedroom behind, because even calling this place home for the past fifteen years does not take away my resentment of what it has become.<br />
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I still hold out hope that my mother can live normally. My compulsion to de-clutter is a counteracting force for her compulsion to keep things as they are. I would be so ashamed and overwhelmed if her hoarding and clutter escalated to the degree of <a href="http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/coh5.php">Tracy's mother</a>, who eventually died of a heart attack amid dead animals, an overflowing toilet, and piles of clutter. Without the support system that my own mother so readily refuses, anything could happen. And I, ever the pessimist, simply expect the worst.<br />
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I would like to say that, for anyone I know personally who may have come across this strangely revealing blog, try to suppress your pity and your judgment. This is only an outlet. My mother's erratic tendencies may make me question my own sanity, but I do know to ask for help when she or I need it. We had a mixed bag with our first professional organizer, but I think I will have to sacrifice a little more, perhaps on therapy or a full-on intervention, to make sure that my mother gets the help she needs.<br />
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ETA: I was surprised to find, a few hours after writing this, that the skin on my throat had broken out in slight hives after screaming myself raw into a pillow. Not sure if this was the stress, the physical increase of blood flow to my neck, or something in the pillow. This has never happened before. I need to retrieve peace.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-3413604237201842642010-07-12T20:35:00.001-04:002010-07-12T20:41:57.137-04:00Your Values Are Right!What is the best way to deal with this? The feeling of having retreated five years, when I hated and judged my mother blindly for whatever series of events led to my losing respect for her (read: probably just adolescence). A conversation with her about fulfillment left me with more understanding about how she thinks of her life, but still no satisfaction with that understanding on my end. <a href="http://brooklynbooklover.blogspot.com/">Brooklyn Book Lover</a> says it's all about the disease, my frustration comes from the disease my mother has of not seeing the world for how we see it.<br />
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But "not seeing the world for how we see it" sounds oddly like the meaning of a disability, and you are supposed to be so accepting and open-minded when interacting with people who have disabilities - the definition of which term could cause a ruckus of its own. That is, disabilities is a hazy category, but we have to understand that <i>everyone</i> may see and interact with a world that is different from the "expected," like a so-called person with disabilities is said to do. But then, who is to say that our expectations are the right ones, or even that the majority of society's expectations are the right ones? I grew up in a middle-class, predominantly white place, and let's face it, middle-class white people are full of themselves. I do mean that in a sort of terrible, racist way, but also in a hopefully forgivable, neutral way - i.e. that people in such privileged groups are confident in the rightness of how they live and think. Truthfully, this should be theoretically true of any ethnic or socioeconomic group. Be confident! Know that what you think is good! Your values are right!<br />
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The problem arises when you impose your own thoughts about what is good on other people who are not necessarily the same kind of thinkers as you. I don't mean that race divides us, because my so-called objective, liberal education tells me I should reject the idea of race or socioeconomic status as any kind of divider, negative or otherwise. But I guess I really need to take a look at how I see the world and finally put into practice that simpering, thoughtless principle that I thought I lived by but don't: treat everyone as an individual, because it is in their individuality that their value lies, not in your eyes or anyone else's.<br />
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The problem I face now is of how to acknowledge my wrongness in a delicate way that is not so delicate as to erase all the true feelings I expressed in our conversation earlier. What a tiring challenge I did not expect to face today!Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-61082924128609085202010-07-06T03:55:00.001-04:002010-07-06T03:57:54.288-04:00Holiday GetawayLuckily, no news is good news here, as they say. I haven't updated in a while because emotions haven't been particularly high and I've been spending my time having myself a proper summer. Although I am a self-proclaimed homebody, I have certainly learned the hard way over the years that spending all my time in the house is no good for me. Nor is it for anyone, I tend to think. It is, of course, a comfortable place, which makes it feel so incredibly good and safe, but we can't possibly live our lives and find inspiration or creativity by keeping ourselves in these modern comfort pods all the time.<br />
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I spent a wonderful weekend out in Sonoma county exploring nature and being taken under the wing of a whole new family for a couple days. My time was spent swimming in the river, walking the dog, playing board games, eating ice cream, baking a pie, reading, catching up with an old friend, and appreciating the blessing of doing new things. As simple as they may be, the delights of lighting my first-ever sparkler and baking a gluten-free pie crust for my friend's father were refreshing and sweet.<br />
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To offer a brief update on de-cluttering though, I should say that my room's transformation is fairly complete - after the junk haulers took my bed, we moved our foldout couch into my room. I am in love with the fact that I can pack up my bed every day and instantly gain an extra five to six square feet of space. I now have plenty of room to practice the backbend I'm trying to perfect by the end of the summer. (Hey, I'm not getting any younger, and it's good yoga practice!) Plus, moving the couch freed up considerable space in the living room. I'm hoping to rearrange our bookcases better in that area soon. Oh, the thrill of homemaking!Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-51210638726666118132010-06-21T01:22:00.000-04:002010-06-21T01:22:24.713-04:00A Load of JunkLet me start this off by saying that I am so glad I learned long ago to scream into a pillow to relieve stress. Ironically enough, I think I learned that from my mother.<br />
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On the de-cluttering front, we have actually been making a lot of progress. I called <a href="http://www.1800gotjunk.com/">1-800-GOT-JUNK</a> and two guys came with a truck yesterday to pick up a number of large furniture items that were crowding my bedroom (a big desk, a smaller table, and even my bed). I got the idea from - naturally - Hoarders. The company charges a fee based on how much of their truck you fill up, and we paid about $200. Or rather, my mother paid. This was a point of contention that led to an unfortunate series of disagreements over the past few days.<br />
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I'll make a long story very short by saying that, after several days of stressful behavior on my mother's part - although I concede that she's not seriously affected overall, she has a few major emotional problems and issues with people - my mother made the questionable decision of allowing the junk haulers to come earlier than planned while I was away at my grandfather's house. I had expected to be home in time, but while I was at my grandpa's, she took it upon herself to (unnecessarily) disassemble all our stuff and put it out on the deck for the guys to collect, which we had not agreed on, and then let them come early because they didn't have any other pickups. She also paid them, even though I had insisted I would pay for it. Then, when I came home, she accosted me and played the victim, having done so much work, and insinuated that I was to blame for her overworking herself and doling out the money.<br />
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Although we've already had our argument and I've screamed into my pillow, I'm finding that as I write this I'm getting more and more angry with her behavior. I simply cannot understand the logic of her brain or her actions, and to me, the argument we had tonight was convoluted and only succeeded in showing me that we do not have compatible personalities or beliefs about how to conduct our everyday lives. If this were a random college dorm assignment, I would request a transfer, because her passive-aggressive, borderline psychotic behavior are hard for me to deal with, even after living with some pretty crazy characters in college.<br />
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I felt so relieved in getting rid of our junk yesterday and, yes, grateful that she dealt with it in my place, but her self-righteousness is not justified in my mind, and her excessively antagonistic attitude is ruining my own sense of accomplishment.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-45466078686422515602010-06-08T03:32:00.000-04:002010-06-08T03:32:45.855-04:00The Clutter SaviorToday our clutter savior made a visit!<br />
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We arranged for her to come for a four-hour stretch bright and early this morning - starting at 9:30. We got right down to business, and although I have to leave two hours in to go babysit, we made a lot of progress in the first half, and as I saw later, even more in the second half. I've found myself gazing around our living room tonight (the starting point and only room we worked on today) with wild technicolor dreams of how it will look when it's complete.<br />
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The bookshelves will no longer stand at awkward, claustrophobia-inducing angles so as to block all natural light! Our couches will seat friends and admirers! The sliding glass doors will gleamingly welcome my book and sun hat fantasies onto the balcony!<br />
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Things are at a strange in-between stage, because as our organizer said, things have to get worse before they get better. Her basic takeaway tip for today was that you must de-clutter first, and then rearrange things in your newfound space once you have cleared it out. It's simple enough, and I think it's a good principle for us. Everything she helped us do today was common sense, and nothing we couldn't do on our own. But something showed me that it really helps to a) have a dedicated chunk of time to buckle down and de-clutter, b) feel that a stern but friendly Slavic woman is pressuring you to de-clutter, and c) basically have an authoritative, third-party figure help you figure out what you should and shouldn't keep. It's really gotten to the point where that's what we need.<br />
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She was the voice of reason today, helping us sacrifice the many duplicates of silly things we have but also conceding that some of the things we own could be kept. I think today was a good investment, and the results show just how much we needed that outside help. The next step before we can continue de-cluttering is to drive all our "donate" and "electronic recycling" bags to Goodwill and the e-cycling place. That we can do as soon as the rearview mirror in our car is fixed... After a wander around Berkeley with friends yesterday, I returned to the car to find the mirror detached from the windshield, dangling down pathetically. Weird and scary to drive back on I-24 unable to easily glance behind me! The car's at the shop now for some TLC, poor thing.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-62554317828328717352010-06-03T01:52:00.002-04:002010-06-03T01:57:20.080-04:00Sacrificing the CakeI'm afraid I've lost too much of my sentimentality in my four years of college. Maybe it was the constant packing-up of my life each summer and changing homes again each fall. Maybe it's the fact that I never practiced homesickness and missing people because I kept in touch with my family and friends through Skype and Facebook. Or maybe it was living in New York, where so much more than simple sentiment demanded my attention, and growing into an adult meant learning to take life's hard parts with a stony exterior.<br />
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I hardly think my transition into adulthood is complete. College life, with its insignificant tests and grades and ignorance of most things financial, should never be mistaken for real life. Still, I have noticed my own shift toward (or increase in?) stoicism, especially when choosing what to throw out while cleaning. I choose to be unfeeling where sometimes my mom can't (or perhaps couldn't, since under my influence and her own will her sentimentality has now started hardening too). After that first summer of de-cluttering in 2008, it became clear that we didn't have enough physical space to afford being sentimental with our possessions. Even the smallest reminders of my childhood continue to be tossed in the "recycle" pile - endearing drawings of "parnsass jazmin" from Aladdin, countless adorable art projects, knickknacks formerly treasured for some nostalgic value...<br />
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I do worry that thirty or fifty years from now, I will regret erasing the things that I'm sure I would have loved to rediscover as an old lady with a family and grandchildren (?!). I've already let them soak in a closet of memories and enjoyed finding them as forgotten treasures at 21, so imagine the warm and fuzzy feeling of nostalgia matured for a few more decades. If a twenty-something smiles fondly at precious childhood misspellings and past obsessions (pages and pages of X-Men stick figures and Ninja Turtles with pizzas, anyone?) I'm sure a forty-something should at least tear up a little. And honestly, who doesn't relish that nostalgic misty feeling?<br />
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In fact, I think there is a fine line between the sentimentality and nostalgia of a "normal" person and a hoarder. We always cherish the good times of our past when we think about them. I will admit to even revisiting activities and environments of my past to recreate that comfort zone, reading old favorite books and personal journals or reminiscing with friends to bring myself back. Having physical symbols of that old comfort zone we can keep forever can feel incredibly fulfilling. We attach a lot to mementos, and I have seen firsthand how hard it can be to toss things like drawings from our grade school selves; they can seem like gifts from our past to our present, and discarding a gift can be a hugely symbolic act.<br />
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It's difficult and inadvisable to choose between one extreme (saving everything) and the other (discarding everything). I'm grateful that today we have so many alternatives that let us have our cake and eat it too; we can store memories digitally through photos or words while keeping the clutter down. I think even writing words that aren't directly about the things I've let go, words that instead record my emotional processing of the things, can work. Lifehacker did a step-by-step <a href="http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/9-tips-for-sorting-memorabilia.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+LifeHack+%28lifehack.org%29">guide to sorting through memorabilia</a> yesterday. For our family's purposes, I think sacrificing tangible souvenirs is the only way we'll get anywhere.<br />
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But I'll still have my cake. Just in another form.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-44136339520211311942010-06-02T00:20:00.001-04:002010-06-02T00:26:31.947-04:00Where Credit Is DueThis afternoon I called a local professional organizer, the most affordable one I saw online, but she seems to still be on Memorial Day vacation (?), so I left a voicemail and I'm crossing my fingers that she helps us out.<br />
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In cleaning out our hall closet today, and receiving input from my mother, I realized that I may judge her too harshly. This may be a natural result of my years-long, mutually critical relationship with her. But I really have to hand it to her now - today I expected her to fight against donating an old tennis racket and outdated clothes, but she made some very rational decisions and did not resist the way I was afraid she would. Not at all like someone who is "psychologically affected," and certainly not like some of the very difficult parents I saw on last night's <a href="http://www.aetv.com/hoarders">Hoarders</a>.<br />
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I think my mother is smarter than I give her credit for (that to my own discredit). She has tried very hard to combat the compulsion to hoard, which is obviously a difficult psychological task. I am fairly confident that, once we clear out what needs to be cleared out, she will be capable of keeping things that way, because from what I have seen in cleaning up, the clutter in our home is rarely new acquisitions. Most of it is relics of the past: in the hall closet I found a large box of my mother's school things - papers, notes, projects and drawings - preserved since the 1970s! She'll have to go through that; it's not my right.<br />
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I am fairly sure that new clutter in our apartment is the minority, and that part of the reason we have so much junk is our move to this place 15 years ago. In our previous apartment, there was a lot more space, and before that, we had an even bigger place in San Francisco. My mother has always had a lot of possessions, but never the resources to trim them down to a manageable level once space got tighter. Add to that the fact that I accumulated numerous art projects and toys throughout my childhood, and it's easy to see how things got out of control.<br />
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It will be another ongoing challenge to remember that my mother is not some random hoarder I can criticize and pity. Hers is a perfectly unique situation that just happens to have a name that applies to many other people.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-48705995314184366692010-06-01T03:25:00.000-04:002010-06-01T03:25:21.976-04:00RebootSo it begins again.<br />
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I had heard of the A&E show <a href="http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/">Hoarders</a> but had never watched it, figuring it would be a simple mirror image of my mother's life as we knew it, and nothing more. I haven't been much for TV since college started, anyway. But since I've graduated and moved back home - well, a lot of things have changed, some of them for the worse, including my sedentary habits. So Hoarders was on, and I tuned in.<br />
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My mother is usually planted in front of the TV as well, and although she watched part of the show with me, she unsurprisingly drifted away from the program to occupy herself with other, less emotionally home-driving things, offering only an occasional "At least I'm not as bad as those people" as commentary on the show.<br />
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Reflecting on my own reaction to the filth and psychological disturbance of the people on Hoarders, I saw clearly (perhaps for the first time) just how easily my mother would fit in on the show. Like most television, Hoarders is all about shock value: look at how unbelievably the human race can deteriorate in today's hyper-consumerist and mentally helpless world. Et cetera, "and now buy Hoarders on DVD" (a particularly cruel marketing ploy, I thought). And I thought to myself, "If that were our house on that show, the viewers' reactions would be no different." They would be shocked at our home. Maybe not as disgusted, but certainly surprised at how my mother lives. The word pity comes to mind as well.<br />
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So I think it's time to resurrect what has seemed like such a frustrating and unending battle from my post 3,000 miles away. Tomorrow I am calling a professional organizer. It will be a big expense, and I am positive I will resent having to do this, because I am an imperfect person and because I will be the one paying for it from my own funds. But I am clinging to the hope that, if her home improves, my mother's emotional and overall well-being will improve, and she will regain enough motivation to find a job and, at 57, finally begin doing well for herself again.<br />
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There is a huge emotional component to living with a hoarder, one that I don't think I allowed myself to recognize when I was just starting out this project and seeing it as spring cleaning times ten. It is eye-opening to realize that there are people out there who have gone through this exact same thing (from what I saw on Hoarders, many adult children like me are the ones dealing with their parents' hoarding). The frustration in trying to fix a habit and a lifestyle that you did not contribute to, which the perpetrator does not feel compelled to fix, is <i>immense</i>. Frustration is the word in de-cluttering, and in controlling the emotion that comes with it. Negotiating with my mother about eliminating objects turns me into much more than a girl with a short fuse - that fuse is a long and continuously sizzling argument. I am literally arguing with someone psychologically affected, and it is a very difficult road.<br />
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This time, de-cluttering is not just a fun summer project to blog about, and I am not going to concern myself with being a "good blogger," posting pictures to keep the "audience" engaged. The shallow desire for internet fame is an entirely separate issue of my own that needs to be put aside here. I hope that resurrecting this blog will help me sort through the emotional struggle of helping my mother help herself in the long journey toward a healthy lifestyle.<br />
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If you are still reading this, I genuinely thank you for your silent support, because it feels good to be starting something meaningful again.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-85595136987642395802010-01-02T22:53:00.001-05:002010-01-02T22:54:29.783-05:00TumblrUpdate: Since I will no longer be posting on this dinosaur of a blog, feel free to follow me on Tumblr: <a href="http://dreamereverie.tumblr.com">dreamereverie.tumblr.com</a><br /><br />Happy New Year!Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-51537541980431173442009-08-18T19:18:00.004-04:002009-08-18T19:34:52.721-04:00Vignettweets (A Working Title)<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/somewhair/3680590199/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3572/3680590199_87580432ef_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/somewhair/3680590199/">Bloom</a><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/somewhair/">somewhair</a></span></center> <p>I just raided the Young Adult section of my local library. I also discovered, to my delight, that a book called Girls from da Hood is considered a CLASSIC. Oh the hilarious double-entendre of "classic" makes me laugh inside.<br /><br />I think I may soon abandon this blog. I am no longer passionate about my de-cluttering project. In effect, I have already <b>moved on </b>just by virtue of being away from the cluttered home I sought to fix. I tried to remain informed about clutter and design and the related reflections and psychology those things brought on, but I <b>can't pretend to be interested</b> in something that falls more in the margins of my interests list than in the actual #1 slot.<br /><br />My interests are always evolving though, and this is not to say that the project will forever have dropped off my list. It has definitely been <b>a year of interesting randomness</b>, emotions, and amazing internet finds.<br /><br />Now, my interests have focused themselves more on writing and reading than de-cluttering, as may be clear by my mysterious teenager-book raid. In any case, I would like to devote some attention to a <b>new project</b>: I'm excited to exercise my creative muscles by blogging one vignette for every writing prompt suggested by Twitter user @<a href="http://www.twitter.com/writingprompt">writingprompt</a>. I haven't started just yet, but keep your eyes peeled for new stuff at <b><a href="http://alexreverie.wordpress.com/">Vignettweets</a></b> (just a working title so far). Wish me luck! And always feel free to e-mail me at alexandrayf at gmail dot com or comment on old posts here to stay in touch.<br /><br />It's been great.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-79235955104758831052009-08-08T16:14:00.004-04:002009-08-10T20:16:54.636-04:00Organizing my internet life<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/secretsofabutterfly/3184395675/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3315/3184395675_4b29c8a2b1_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/secretsofabutterfly/">secretsofabutterfly</a></span></center> <p>Here are some tools that I love using to <span style="font-weight: bold;">organize my life</span>, since today has become such a frenzied organizational jubilee.<br /><br /></p><ul><br /><li><b><a href="http://www.google.com/ig/adde?hl=en&moduleurl=http://www.fatsecret.com/gadget/finder.xml&source=imag">Food & Calorie Finder iGoogle gadget</a></b>: I decided I wanted to keep better track of my health, so I installed this gadget on iGoogle. You can search kajillions of food items to create a <span style="font-weight: bold;">rundown of the food and calories</span> you take in each day. Then, you can indicate how many calories you've burned, either by actually working out or just by going about your day. ("Desk Work" burns like 100 calories an hour!) I like this because it also has a <span style="font-weight: bold;">calendar and calculates all your info</span> for you. I found out you have to burn like 3500 calories to lose one pound, so this is a great way to keep track of how close you are to your goal.</li><br /><li><b><a href="http://www.mozilla.com/firefox">Firefox</a> bookmarks toolbar</b>: It's so much easier than typing in URLs all day long. When I'm on a site, I highlight the URL and drag it into the toolbar space. Firefox's default option is to show the site's icon with the URL next to it, but if you right-click the icon and hit "properties," you can erase the URL so that<span style="font-weight: bold;"> a bunch of beautiful icons</span> pop up in your toolbar! One click, and you're there. Easy peasy. Here's mine! Which ones can you figure out?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sn3dyWxgxjI/AAAAAAAAAFM/Hlol5J1dkmQ/s1600-h/firefox+bookmarks.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sn3dyWxgxjI/AAAAAAAAAFM/Hlol5J1dkmQ/s320/firefox+bookmarks.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367690188071945778" border="0" /></a><br /></li><br /><li><b><a href="http://www.mozilla.org/projects/calendar/sunbird/">Mozilla Sunbird</a></b>: I never figured out how to use <a href="http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/outlook/default.aspx">Office Outlook</a> but I wanted a calendar that I could use on my desktop that works like Outlook and Google Calendar/iCal <span style="font-weight: bold;">without needing an internet connection</span>. So I found Sunbird, and it is great! It lets you customize the colors of all your life categories (school, business, personal, travel etc.) and alerts you if you want it to. It's very <span style="font-weight: bold;">customizable</span>, which I like. It's not perfect, but it works for me! The to-do list pane is super useful.</li><br /><li><b><a href="http://www.google.com/reader">Google Reader</a></b>: I subscribe to <span style="font-weight: bold;">so many stupid blogs</span>. :P No, most of the ones I subscribe to are adorable, creative and girly. One I found recently was <a href="http://tweexcore.wordpress.com/">pretentious and pop</a>. ♥ But I need to keep track of these blogs and sites! I can't be trekking all over the internet every day, that takes too much energy. So Google Reader<span style="font-weight: bold;"> culls them all together</span> and updates when my blogs update, so I have a nice digest to read through every morning or night.</li><br /><li><b><a href="http://www.ccleaner.com/">CCleaner</a></b>: I actually have to run this again soon - CCleaner is a<span style="font-weight: bold;"> registry cleaner</span>-upper for your computer. I'm not entirely sure all the magic spells it conducts within my hard drive, but it makes it work faster and smoother. It's like a <span style="font-weight: bold;">Swiffer for your computer</span>!<p></p></li></ul><b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sn3dM7cn1gI/AAAAAAAAAFE/Qv37rMTr0Q8/s1600-h/swiffer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sn3dM7cn1gI/AAAAAAAAAFE/Qv37rMTr0Q8/s200/swiffer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367689545081411074" border="0" /></a><br /></b><center><b><small><a href="http://www.productreview.com.au/itemimage/72515">(via)</a></small></b></center>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-47116255221695525672009-08-07T17:32:00.003-04:002009-08-07T17:43:33.969-04:00City still don't sleep<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/globetrodden/700369196/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1096/700369196_fb4ec32f03_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><span style="text-decoration: none;">click for larger</span><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/globetrodden/">Globe Trodden</a></span></center> <p>I love this picture from <a href="http://www.salon.com/">Salon</a> columnist and pilot <a href="http://dir.salon.com/topics/ask_the_pilot/">Patrick Smith</a>. Photos like this exist everywhere - on the sidewalks, calling out to tourists so the vendors can make a neat profit off a couple wide-eyed buffoons; in museums; in <span style="font-weight: bold;">coffee table books around the world</span>, I'm sure. But I'm glad to say that I'm not quite jaded enough to scoff at the <span style="font-weight: bold;">grandeur </span>of this skyline, especially as photographed from inside the cockpit of an airplane.<br /><br />It also makes me really excited for <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/newyorkiloveyou">New York, I Love You</a> coming out in October. When <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401711/">Paris, Je T'Aime</a> came out, I went through crazy pregnant lady mood swings about it. First I loved the idea and wanted intensely to see it. Then when I heard it was not a long-form single plot, I thought I would <span style="font-weight: bold;">hate it </span>because I hated <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/">Love, Actually</a> at first. (I was 16 and had to be critical like the budding editor I believed myself to be becoming.)<br /><br />But I saw Paris, Je T'Aime this year and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's a cute movie to watch in bed while having tea and pita. I think I'll be even more enthralled with New York, I Love You because I have actually lived here. And, similar to the fact that I feel very <span style="font-weight: bold;">patriotic </span>for America at the very heartmost part of my heart, I will always have a soft spot of memories for New York and the Bay Area. One of my deepest, most imagination-frenzied dreams is to live in and <span style="font-weight: bold;">befriend as many cities</span> as is reasonable for a lifetime.</p><p>I wonder which other cities people could make similar movies about that would be romantic enough to do well. Often, I feel that New York, Paris, San Francisco, Venice and London are all so overly romanticized in the movies that they've become clichéd. What amazing other cities can we appreciate? Surely creative minds have thought of Moscow, Kyoto, Montreal, S<em>ã</em>o Paolo, Nairobi...<br /></p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-69062185522971041592009-08-04T23:34:00.001-04:002009-08-04T23:34:06.179-04:00Publishing intern blog<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/seitti/2980262769/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3219/2980262769_3578cd9d63_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/seitti/2980262769/">Chrysanthemum</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/seitti/">Seitti</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>So <a href="http://internspills.blogspot.com">The Intern</a> is a really interesting blog. She does what I can't quite do - talk about interning in the publishing world in a funny way while still managing to keep things anonymous! I am super bad at hiding things and keeping secrets, so I probably will not write much about my internships.<br /><br />In any case, she works at a publishing house/company rather than an agency, but nevertheless I find myself agreeing with her and learning from her. The internet is a wonderful thing.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-5236697168975633932009-07-30T21:25:00.001-04:002009-07-30T21:25:21.081-04:00Stuff kitties like to do<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/38549058@N03/3545823611/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3326/3545823611_e68b8264c6_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/38549058@N03/3545823611/">Tabby cat wanting to go outside - Chloe</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/38549058@N03/">Suburban Paparazzi</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>Or at least "Stuff my roommate's 1-year-old kitten, Nalla, likes to do." (The picture is not Nalla.)<br /><br />1. Watch pigeons from the windowsill and mutter.<br /><br />2. Push things around with her paws, especially from heights of 3 feet, and look at them in amazement when they fall.<br /><br />3.. Climb up my leg when I'm preparing food.<br /><br />4. Hide under the bed and attack people's passing feet.<br /><br />5. Hide near the bed and attack people's faces.<br /><br />6. Lick popsicles. My roommate does not know that cats can get diabetes. :(<br /><br />7. Chase shoelaces and bottle caps across the floor.<br /><br />Things she does not like to do but does anyway:<br /><br />8. Wear dresses.<br /><br />9. Wear hoodies.<br /><br />10. Be cuddled by me.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-85284743088260540182009-07-25T23:35:00.001-04:002009-07-25T23:35:24.851-04:00Solipsism<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/floralpatterns/2619784811/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3007/2619784811_b587f107cd_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/floralpatterns/2619784811/">serenity</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/floralpatterns/">randi bee</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>I try to live my life in terms of the themes I think about. They are usually discrete in one way or another, and thus quantifiable. Spring semester, when I was taking courses more or less about society and all its minor injustices, I thought about that. It was a theme. That and spirituality/sense of self really permeated my thoughts this spring.<br /><br />It felt good to have strong thoughts, but as usual I was stuck in the academic bubble. I've never been active in any school or purpose-led community, because I am selfish and antisocial - I'll admit that because it's true. And one thing <b>A</b> taught me while I lived with her this past year is that it's stupid to hide the truth from yourself, more so from anyone else who needs to know it.<br /><br />Now it's summer, and I'm isolated from the people and the community that made me think. My jobs are essentially free of critical thought, because a) in one of them, my position is so low that I'm not considered responsible enough to take on truly thoughtful work beyond being critical of others; and b) in the other, the higher-ups value every possible idea that the interns can dream up but aren't organized enough to make good use of them.<br /><br />I'm living with people who aren't like me. I'm discovering just how hard it is for me to open up to people, whether it's out of stubbornness or pure personality. I'm unwilling to make the effort to befriend new people these days, because I am afraid we will just drift apart that much faster, when my time in New York is up. This is incredibly pessimistic, but I am too stubborn and in too deep denial to change.<br /><br />The one benefit of being so introspective and introverted means I have time to realize these things about myself. I've grown up a very selfish person, a result of strange emotional cocktails downed over twenty-one years of strange maturation. I notice my self-absorption even in my journals - personal or otherwise. It's interesting to have glimpses of other people's personal journals; they extend so far out in ways very unlike mine. The thoughts they have trickled onto paper or digital media are more like wandering spindles, touching various aspects of life and the thinker's relation to the world.<br /><br />Mine are more like inward-turning spirals.<br /><br />God only knows why we (or why I) decide on the ideas we do to share with people like this. But we choose, and I choose, because somehow it seems the most satisfying place to discover things. This self-indulgence, combined with my other hyphenated self-nouns (self-absorption, -centeredness etc.) has made me realize that I am a very lazy person. I dislike honest work, except when I masochistically enjoy it under circumstances of very high stress. It has to be the perfect pinnacle of stress, otherwise I just scuttle away and avoid the effort.<br /><br />Don't get the wrong idea: I'm hardly worried about this strange condition. I'm just curious to see how it grows and mutates as I get older. Let's call this the diagnosis stage.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-3817377971331773202009-07-22T21:39:00.002-04:002009-07-22T21:42:17.098-04:00Three and a half girls (one's a cat)<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fotorita/2472623077/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2002/2472623077_42dceec941_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fotorita/2472623077/">Che le Fragole son Buone</a><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/fotorita/">FotoRita [Allstar maniac]</a></span></center> <p>This picture looks so delicious. When I was younger, my mom used to cut up millions of strawberries for me and mix in a spoonful of sugar. I was a <span style="font-weight: bold;">spoiled little fatty, </span>but at least I had good taste. Then again, I also had so much McDonald's as a child that when I had a McNugget meal for the first time in years the other day, it smelled like <span style="font-weight: bold;">my childhood.</span><br /><br />I have probably said this before, but I don't think living alone is the best choice for me. (Haha I didn't intend for this to be my segue from talk of fast food indulgence.) Don't get confused, I'm not living alone now. But every time my roommate(s) are out, and I have the place to myself, it turns into a couple hours of <span style="font-weight: bold;">gleeful me-time followed by abrupt boredom </span>and feelings of uselessness.<br /><br />At the same time, however, I decided I don't particularly enjoy <span style="font-weight: bold;">sharing a room with someone</span>,<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>at least until I get to know them. Close quarters in New York have caused this to be my living situation for the past three years during school, and now summer, and I've discovered some things about it. My main discovery is that I become overwhelmed with embarrassment when I hear the key in the lock while I am talking in silly voices to my roommate's cat.<br /><br />Seriously, though, I am stuck in this weird limbo of roommatehood that I don't understand. Surely I'm not the only one...</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-59962229097424262022009-07-15T22:34:00.002-04:002009-07-22T21:42:17.099-04:00As fast as you can<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/rahee_nerurkar/3412413044/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3393/3412413044_182a29dc43_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/rahee_nerurkar/3412413044/"></a><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/rahee_nerurkar/">Rahee Nerurkar</a></span></center> <p>I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night at 12:40 (we weren't die-hard enough to get the 12:01 tickets), and I have a lot of thoughts about it! However, I'll keep them to myself because I am content with appreciating this movie on my own and <span style="font-weight: bold;">don't need the internet to be the reason I have an opinion</span>.<br /><br />Anyway, I just decided that I want to go <span style="font-weight: bold;">running tomorrow morning</span>. I am incredibly tired, so now (10:32 p.m.) is the perfect time to go to sleep, and therefore I could get up around 6 if I want to (right?) and go run. I found this site called<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.runyourcity.com/state/ny/new-york-city/running-map-of-new-york-city/manhattan/centralpark">runyourcity.com</a><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>that has a really cool list of places to run in various cities. New York is especially good, since it's so big and there are a) so many great places to run and b) so many crazy New Yorkers who are hard core into being fit.<br /><br />We'll see how it goes, <span style="font-weight: bold;">I love sleeping</span> so it may be a struggle with myself.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-76206649725156284292009-07-07T22:00:00.004-04:002009-08-09T17:41:12.232-04:00And write you are<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/teenytinyturkey/3474744350/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3310/3474744350_c5aecd3c91_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: 2px solid rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></a><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px;font-size:0;" ><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/teenytinyturkey/3474744350/">Moth Orchid</a><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/teenytinyturkey/">teenytinyturkey</a></span></center> <p>I've been thinking about writing a lot, where "writing" is a lot of different things.<br /><br />It's the <b>profession</b>: I'm interning at two publishing companies (yeah bad choice, interning is already kind of terrible without having to do it twice concurrently). One is an agency, and another is a small independent publishing house.</p><p>It's the <b>art</b>: Some of the slush I have to read through at the agency is unspeakably <b>bad</b>. The agent I'm working with is known for representing Young Adult writers, which unfortunately means that people submit stuff to them that seems like it is actually written by (untalented) young adults. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that young adults are capable of writing well, but the people who submit to us aren't young adults and don't write well, most of the time. I find myself using <i>Harry Potter</i> as my standard for good quality writing, but I re-realized while re-reading a bit of the sixth book last week that <i>Harry Potter</i> is amazing and JK Rowling is a wonderful writer. Maybe it is too high of a standard?<br /><br />It is the <b>act</b>: In general, I want to write, and find the time to write, very badly. But I watched this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1l4WYk4aQ4">documentary (about JK Rowling)</a> and she says, in one of many inspirational epigrams, that she <b>needs to write</b>. I don't think I'm there yet. I don't have enough of any kind of story in me to <i>need</i> to write it. However, I do still try to write the few meager stories I have. They come out poorly and generally unfinished, because I haven't yet allowed myself to write for the story rather than for myself or the reader.<br /><br />Thinking about writing might just be my sense of purpose trying to break out into the world and see where it might tentatively begin to dip its toes. Writing might not be it, but now's a good time to be thinking about it.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-91161923462079852382009-06-20T13:39:00.005-04:002009-06-20T14:33:53.677-04:00Musical LadiesSince I am putting off doing several boatloads' worth of work, I thought I would post about something that interests me lately. I was browsing YouTube and realized I was finding a pretty striking pattern in the successful music-related videos out there: so many of the <b>successful artists now in the limelight are strong, style-savvy young women 18 to 30 years old</b>.<br /><br />Here are some musical ladies I'm seeing and hearing a lot about. <b>What do you think?</b> Are they actually phenomena, or just silly and over-publicized?<br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QQJ9Vi8GLok&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QQJ9Vi8GLok&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Lady Gaga - 23</b> (Song: Paparazzi)</center><br /><br />My roommate first mentioned Lady Gaga to me a couple months ago, and I hadn't heard of her or heard any of her songs. But <b>I kept hearing her name</b> after that, and her song "Poker Face" has been everywhere. She reminds me a lot of one of my idols, <a href="http://www.galadarling.com">Gala</a> (:D) in her style and love for sequins and girliness. Apparently Lady Gaga dropped out of NYU, which is interesting, and she has a very provocative side that I think shows just how <b>mainstream dirtiness has become...</b><br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eaz5tGl5Yho&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eaz5tGl5Yho&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>P!nk - 29</b> (Song: So What)</center><br /><br />Unfortunately a lot of the official music videos on YouTube have disabled embedding, but this is still a great song minus the actual video. P!nk has been around for a while, and I remember being skeptical of and even disliking her earlier stuff, because it was too <i>something</i> for me. Maybe it was too aggressive, too rock, too overt for my teenaged self. But I think P!nk is really good at being an <b>empowering woman figure</b> and her songs are bitingly clever. She also just looks like a <b>badass</b>.<br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/idHmzUE0EDk&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/idHmzUE0EDk&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Beyoncé - 27</b> (Song: Ego)</center><br /><br />Beyoncé has also been around for a while, and I think she is <b>genuinely talented</b>. She has also been a consistently good role model for girls and their body images. She has a really great team behind her, and she does so much with her time. She's just an overall impressive individual.<br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NG2zyeVRcbs&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NG2zyeVRcbs&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Miley Cyrus - 16</b> (Song: The Climb)</center><br /><br />This one is kind of the exception to the age range I posted above (Miley Cyrus is 16), but it's the same idea. You can <b>hate on her all you want</b>, but Miley Cyrus is genuinely successful right now, and she has so many fans I barely understand it. But her <b>vocal chops</b> are kind of awesome for her age.<br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6h7FSoFipcY&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6h7FSoFipcY&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Katy Perry - 26</b> (Song: Waking Up In Vegas)</center><br /><br />Katy Perry is great. I thought her song "I Kissed A Girl" last summer was annoying because of how much it got played, but it's still really catchy, and <b>her voice is so unique</b> that you have to like it. Again, you can hate her songs as much as you want, but she's out there and she's doing well.<br /><br /><center>-----<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/T9IsYnBONiM&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/T9IsYnBONiM&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Taylor Swift - 19</b></center><br /><br />This one's a bonus video of Taylor Swift rapping as T-Swizzle with T-Pain. This girl is famous too, and I hear a lot about her, but I haven't really looked into it more than that. I just thought this video was funny.<br /><br /><center>-----</center><br /><br /><b>Did I miss anyone</b> that you think is really in the spotlight these days? It's not to say that there aren't successful men doing music right now, but I feel like the artists getting the most exposure are women, for whatever reason. Maybe I think that way because I am also a woman, and I have my own tastes that make these ladies stand out to me. In any case, this is what I'm seeing, and I think it's really cool.Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-60237286530329818742009-06-09T19:48:00.002-04:002009-07-22T21:42:17.099-04:00Job hunt chump<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pussinthehood/2995779615/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3069/2995779615_ec2459d01a_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pussinthehood/2995779615/">A simple road</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pussinthehood/">Puss.In.The.Hood</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>It's unprofessional to include any form of <b>begging in a cover letter</b>, right? Yes, I suppose you're right... But jeez, every time I send another job application somewhere, I am sorely tempted to include a dash of "Please give me something to do this summer - I don't care if it's worthwhile or not, I will pretend it is and do a great job because I feel useless and uninteresting without a job. :("<br /><br />I suppose I just haven't hit on that <b>magical formula</b> for my own cover letters yet. Right now I think they're good, but I'm too focused on impressing with my hook instead of <b>promising them I'll do a great job</b>, which I should probably do...<br /><br />I'm into formulas. I'm sure I've said it before, and you probably just got deja vu. As an organized person (when I put some effort into it - not like lately, with my Moleskine planner gathering dust in the heap on my desk), I consider <b>patterns and order</b> to be the most important part of <b>being successful</b> in what I do. In high school, I figured out the magic formula of getting an A, and I put it to use and got those As. I couldn't really tell you what the formula is, because I didn't discover it outright, but I fell into a rhythm that worked for my individual self, and <b>with the rhythm came success</b>.<br /><br />Of course, right now, what I do is not entirely useful, because I am not bogged down with my usual course load, and my brain is deteriorating. But the work I am doing is just as frustrating, and I haven't yet found the rhythm to do it as well as I do schoolwork. That work is the job hunt, and it is making me <b>angrier every day</b>.<br /><br />It makes me angry, for example, that I <b>can't seem to get more than one interview</b> after hours of pouring my thoughts into cover letters and convincing myself that I want these jobs. Some of them are really great, and I get super into writing my cover letter, and I get my hopes up that maybe this will be <b>the one</b>. And then I never ever hear from the company. Are there really that many other people <b>as qualified as me</b> - with my unique skills of translation, childcare/educational background and research achievements? Pardon my arrogance. But <i>seriously</i>?? <b>I can't get an interview for BABYSITTING??</b><br /><br />Something is wrong, and I don't know if it's me or them.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-52728168306124210842009-05-28T18:54:00.004-04:002009-05-28T19:31:48.264-04:00Junk Drawer 04Let's talk about a few things before I get to the links. (Or if you're boring you can just skip ahead.)<br /><br />Namely, this article from <a href="http://www.nymag.com">New York Magazine</a>, called <a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/56793"><b>"In Defense of Distraction,"</b></a> and how it relates to some things in my life.<br /><br />The article is long - on purpose. It challenges you, in the first paragraph, to <b>forgo your modern distractions</b> (Twitter, e-mail, Facebook, the Crackberry/iPhone) and <b>devote yourself to reading it</b>. To focusing your entire, undivided attention on the article and what it has to say. Now, despite my opinion that the article is not well organized enough to relay its very powerful message in a powerful way (to my own half-assed attention span, it was mostly an ongoing meta-thought stream about attention and how we have none of it yet could have lots of it)... <b>it does hit you hard</b>. That is, if you make the effort to read <b>all</b> of it.<br /><br />I'll be frank (or maybe Mary haha /overdone joke) - I had <b>my own distractions</b> while reading the article. My roommate came home and we talked about her miserable day, I had to blow my nose about five times because I'm sick, and that e-mail reflex whined at me to see if a job prospect had written me back yet.<br /><br />But that's kind of the nature of things. I like to focus on the nose-blowing, the roommates. I mean, if I really devoted ALL my attention that article, my nasty post-flu snot would trickle to the back of my throat, compromising my immediate health! I had to succumb to that distraction, at least. And sometimes the main criminal <b>distractions</b> Anderson discusses, like e-mail and technology, are similarly <b>life-necessary</b>. Is it really wise to ignore the building blocks of our careers, our futures? I like to stay up to date on that distraction, myself.<br /><br />Maybe my personal take-home revelation from the article is about <b>living in the moment, how it can be dangerous but unavoidable</b>. Even though that's not exactly what Anderson says. But personally, I enjoy living in the stupid mindless moment of things like these... our sorely belated Junk Drawer links.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sh8eVU1_H7I/AAAAAAAAADI/oZttA0okjmk/s1600-h/deathrowfizzy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 179px; height: 134px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_NAS9uz7Difo/Sh8eVU1_H7I/AAAAAAAAADI/oZttA0okjmk/s320/deathrowfizzy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341021034805927858" /></a><br /><br /><ul><br /><li><a href="http://www.fizzy.com/games/death_row">Death Row game</a>. This is a well-designed, good-humored game if I ever saw one. It took me a long first try to figure out how to master the game, then a delightful second try to beat it. I don't often show my video-game nerd side, but I'm a sucker for a good RPG/story-based game. If it has minigames built in... I'm sold. Play Death Row! Don't judge it by its controversial premise.</li><br /><li><a href="http://www.amazon.com/White-Oleander-Oprahs-Book-Club/dp/0316284955/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243551915&sr=8-2">White Oleander by Janet Fitch</a>. I read this book for the first time when I was a budding adolescent, 14 going on 15. It was touching and beautiful then, but I sped through it in a haze of emotional ignorance, and the only mark it left on me was its lyrical style. I've always valued lyricism above many things, so that was fine with me. But rereading it this past week, after almost six summers, I found a new tension and breathtaking connection in this novel. If you like stories about California, about mothers and daughters, about poetry and art, about women and men and life, read this. Read it.</li><br /><li><a href="http://vivasclub.com/">This blast from the past</a>. I'm probably "uncool" for wanting to listen to the solo albums some of the old members made. But I don't care! When they were good, S Club was gooood. I got the urge to Google them while listening to this song:</li></ul><br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CbDkZ4m2-4M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CbDkZ4m2-4M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></center><br /><br /><ul><br /><li><a href="http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4901047/The.Sims.3-RELOADED">The Sims 3 torrent</a>. You gotta be a little tech-savvy to download and do this right, but you can download The Sims 3 from an, ahem, questionable source, before the official release on June 2nd... or just buy it on Monday, since that's only 4 days away. I'll attest that I made a conscious effort to do this download safely, so I haven't had any problems. But you probably shouldn't mess up your computer if you don't know what you're doing.</li><br /><li><a href="http://straslin.comicgenesis.com/">Straslin</a>. I don't think I've linked my friend <i>Iseul</i> before (it's a pen name, I'm not used to calling her that!). This is her online comic, which she's drawing during her year abroad. Some of the literary and cultural references I don't get, but in general the comic is adorable and very Iseul-like!</li><br /><li><a href="http://www.empireonline.com/crypticcanvas/">Empire Mag's Cryptic Canvas</a>. 50 famous films hidden in a painting. Can you guess them all? I got to like 34 before having to search for hints. I'm sure you can do better!</li></ul>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-38743814232434969022009-05-24T12:45:00.002-04:002009-05-24T12:47:59.733-04:00Oh phlegmy<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/eneas/3471986083/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3371/3471986083_2ec67af51e_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/eneas/3471986083/">Epidemia de Pánico</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/eneas/">Eneas</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>If you didn't know by now that the swine flu is no worse than any other typical flu we have in the world, then I am sad for you, and don't wish to explain that my flu may be swine flu or other but that I will not die from it. Because it's normal and I was smart enough to go to the doctor when I didn't feel well, and he told me how to take care of myself.<br /><br />The end!<br /><br />But I will say that, after yesterday's fun experimentation with seeing how much phlegm I could spit out in one cough, today's dry hacks are shredding my throat...<br /><br />I'm out of groceries, but people's inevitable dirty looks on the subway and in the store will probably lead me to order take-out. Are restaurants open this weekend?</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-41378051161778616672009-05-21T22:24:00.004-04:002009-07-22T21:42:17.100-04:00Summer breeze<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lapidim/241705856/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/88/241705856_8b094ad017_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lapidim/241705856/">Nostalgia V</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lapidim/">lapidim</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>I haven't posted in a while. I've been lost in that strange <b>limbo of emotion</b> that is moving to a new (temporary) home, and I've felt uninspired. Not a lot of clutter-noteworthy stuff has been going on. I have been working at the elementary school where I am a teacher's aide/tutor/paper-cutter-outer full time, and it's enjoyable, but it feels so much more like an obligation than it ever did during the college school year. Must be because it used to feel like an escape from my peers, into a world of imagination and young human development, and now it's just the way I pass <b>my otherwise unfilled time</b>.<br /><br />Today, I hit up the library as I walked to <b>Central Park</b> from my place - not that long of a walk, if you're wondering - and picked up <a href="http://www.amazon.com/White-Oleander-Oprahs-Book-Club/dp/0316284955"><i>White Oleander</i></a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mysterious-Skin-Scott-Heim/dp/0060841699/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242958560&sr=1-1"><i>Mysterious Skin</i></a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Great-Gatsby-F-Scott-Fitzgerald/dp/0743273567/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242958592&sr=1-1"><i>The Great Gatsby</i></a>. It's been six years since <i>Oleander</i>, four since <i>Gatsby</i>, and <i>Skin</i> is brand new to me, although I saw the movie.<br /><br /><div style="width:300px;"><object width="300" height="110"><param name="movie" value="http://media.imeem.com/m/qL9vwVjBV-/aus=false/"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://media.imeem.com/m/qL9vwVjBV-/aus=false/" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="300" height="110" wmode="transparent"></embed></object></div><br/><a href="http://www.imeem.com/people/fzGTlX9/music/bKVB2LAR/jason-mraz-summer-breeze/">Summer Breeze - Jason Mraz</a><br /><br />Summer is the most picturesque of seasons in my mind. In reality, I love all the seasons equally - their equality is so ingrained in me that I rarely realize it is true until I try to rank them and find that I can't. <b>But summertime</b>, more than the others, makes me write, makes me trust, makes me want to change, makes me happy. It makes me want summer stories and summer feelings. For a long time now, I have associated Janet Fitch's luscious prose and smoky-masked characters with the <b>haze of summer</b>. And my childhood summers were always so full of library reading "challenges" that I wish, several times annually, that I still had the kind of free time to be so dedicated to reading again.</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6938908922138920769.post-36510922082630472982009-05-15T07:35:00.002-04:002009-07-22T21:42:17.100-04:00Wooo pessimism<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/roboppy/114760039/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/52/114760039_8c9fbce3c1_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/roboppy/114760039/">Smorgas Chef</a> <br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/roboppy/">roboppy</a></span></center><br clear="all" /><p>That ^ is a Scandinavian restaurant I passed while exploring my new neighborhood. And this is a 10-minute post before work!<br /><br />I can tell you, a couple things get old really fast. Here are some of the gems I am dealing with in my life right now:<br /><br />- Waking up at 6:30 every weekday to work full time at an elementary school, to finish up my work study allowance. That got old after about a day.<br /><br />- Dealing (passively?) with the fact that, during my move from <a href="http://13yrsofclutter.blogspot.com/search/label/life%3Aeveryday%3ANYU%3AGramercy%20Green">Gramercy</a> to a new place on East 49th, I LOST MY CLARINET. Now, you probably realize that, not having heard much about my clarinet-playing before, I'm not a virtuoso. But it still means a lot to me... to lose that clarinet in the trunk of a cab. Updates to come, if I ever get myself out of this pickle.<br /><br />- Hearing my flatmate's poor sad kitten cry every day because she wants attention (food?) but not letting her out because she is not allowed in the main area of the apartment...<br /><br />- Waking up at 6:30 every weekday to -- oh wait, I said that one already, didn't I? Well PARDON ME<br /><br />Now it is time to brave midtown Manhattan rush hour!</p>Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00420651162815277192noreply@blogger.com1